The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

The Bad.

-so far, there is none today!!

The Good.

-i get to do an informative essay on the amazingly

Hawt RM in my public speaking class!!

-he asked me if he could pay me ten bucks to

to use my textbook, obviously we're going to be

reading pals. its in the contract. read it.

- i called my dad and we talked.

-i saw my roommate today.

-im going in to talk to Sue, the lady over my major.

The Ugly.

-aerobics kicked my trash today, making me

hot and sweaty for public speaking... fantastic.

How Can it be?

How can this be the right choice when all i ever feel like i do is cry?

How can this be the right thing for me when all i ever feel is alone?

How can this be the right thing when my roommates shut themselves away?

How can i make this right for me?

How can it be?

My 7 amigos.

i miss my 7 girls.

more than words can say.

but i love them even more. they are my inspiration.

i so look forward to this weekend when i get to see them again.

we're going to sleep over and act like children. naturally.

Ash: if you weren't up here at college with me, i don't know what i'd do. go insane naturally.

BroOoke: i love seeing you. you just make me so happy. and i love what St. George did for our friendship. i miss you my darling.

Mego: i miss you. i do. but i am so happy for you. and i hope that you and Mckay are eternally happy.

Brooke: you are the sweetest thing that ever was on this planet. i told my brother that you are the kindest person i had ever met. and there is no one better than my little Brookey Brooke.

Kate: My love. i miss talking to you. and i know that i will this weekend, but just thinking of how much i miss you, it brings tears to my eyes. you make me laugh so hard. i love your weird voices. :)

Stace: where do i begin? you're always there for me. and you listen, and i so appreciate that. last night, i was so lonely and homesick, and you were there for me. Thank you, for everything.

Cai: ... i love you. sometimes, you have to be apart from something/someone to realize what they mean to you. i haven't met anyone funnier than you. don't fret. you're the best.

To all: i miss you girls to no end.

These girls have taken me to new levels.

They changed my taste in music for the better.

i used to hate this song, now i love it.

they have helped pushed me beyond my limits, and made me stronger.

They have made me better.

They have helped make me, me.

i love you.

all i want

at this very moment is to talk to my mother. and i would, if it weren't 11:31 pm. and if i hadn't already called her twice today. i just really really want some one to talk to. and considering my roommate moved out of our room and into the one next door, (still in the same dorm room) i really have no one to talk to, not that she talked much in the first place anyways. but still. so i figured i'd blog. it makes me feel a bit better. today was such a great day. it really was. compared to yesterday, where i considered shooting my brains out. but i didn't. and im glad. because like i said, today was great! i talked to a lady about my major, and she gave me hope and enthusiasm. oh Sue. i so look forward to working with her.

for the strangest reason, i feel really lonely right now. well, i know it isnt all that strange. i miss home. more than words can say. i called my dad today, but didnt shed any tears. i was so proud of myself. and we talked for like 20 minutes. it was great to hear from him. and i called mom twice, i know i already said that, but then i got to talk to Derek for like 5 minutes. oh how i love him. and i also got to video chat with Cai!!! so fantastic. i miss her. i miss home. i miss my family. i miss my friends. i miss eating breakfast at the counter. i miss my little sister, who sobbed into my shirt the night i left. i miss my bed. i miss work. yikes. im really homesick...

27. hours.

27 is my new favorite number.

or 1. probably one.

i've waited for 735 days. and now there is only one.

and i've thought of him at least 25 times a day.

do the math.

i've thought of my brother at least 18,375 in the last 2 years.

Not quite there.

i dont think that the fact that i am leaving for college in 7 days has really sunk in yet. in fact, i know it hasn't and every time that i try to really let that soak in, i shut down. No family, no turtle box girls, no annoying sugar gliders, no queen size bed, my own dirty dishes, no privacy. All these things make tears come to my eyes.

on the other hand...

New friends, fun classes, pushing myself, growing in ways i never knew i could, learning independence, suffering with my own cooking, accepting people the way they are and learning how to love them for it, becoming the social person i've always wanted to be, but have been far too scared. And maybe, just maybe, a love life.

all in all... changing my life. a change much needed.

2 years ago today..

2 years ago today, nearly to the hour, i dropped my big brother Derek off at the MTC. i think that i can honestly say that was the longest and most torturous day of my entire existence. When a mere 6 hours had passed by, it felt like multiple days. i truly hated my life for that first week or so. after that first week had passed i drew nearer to my family, and the Lord. i knew i couldn't handle this alone. so i went to the people i loved most. because of Derek's decision to serve the Lord, many good things happened to me and my family. like i became a lot closer to my little brother Caden, to whom i had always picked on and been rude. i started weekly trips to the temple. my mother started into genealogy, my father started into weekly temple trips as well. my little sister started praying every night. and Caden, well im not really sure. we just became best friends, and lets be real, that is the best thing that could have ever happened to him. hahaha! anyways, today is a big mile marker. because i miss him, and i realize it has been 2 years, but i also realize that i only have...

6 DAYS LEFT!!!

166 hours and 57 minutes.

Elder Derek Max Allred comes home in 166 hours and 56 minutes. I'm so excited to see him! And i miss him so dearly!! I need to think of things to do to pass the time. Obviously, Vampire Diaries will play a big part in these distractions. And yard work. I'm so looking forward to this!

166 hours and 54 minutes.

The Butterfly/Turtle Box Girls.

These are some of the greatest books i have ever read! They were unbelievably cheesy at times, but they made me laugh. And they made my insides feel all warm and fuzzy. I highly recommend them to any girl who likes good love stories, and loves reading. They make you want to jump up off the couch, run outside and find a cute boy to marry.

The first book, A Modest Proposal, was a fantastic way to start the series. It wasn't my favorite, but i didn't know it at the time, because hello its the first one.

I absolutely loved this book! In my opinion, it is the best one of the series. It was so sweet and innocent, and the love story in this one blew my mind. Out of all the girls in these books, i feel that i am the most like Joselyn. She's super shy, she sings her heart out when no one is looking. falls for a man who seems out of her league.

Okay, okay, so this one was pretty spectacular as well. Probably one of the cheesiest, but still, it was my second favorite. Andi has the life I can see myself living in a few years. Hopefully i dont have to minus the super hot boyfriend.

What are the Turtle Box Girls? Me and my friends, obviously.